Okay, Earth-friends. I’ve been here a little while now. I’ve been taking notes. (My notes are mostly squiggles. Squiggles are how I think.)
And I have QUESTIONS. Real ones. The kind that keep you up at night. I need your help, because honestly? You Earth-people seem to just KNOW these things, and I respect that.
Here are my top Earth-questions of the week:
1. Why does cereal get soggy? You put it in milk. The milk is RIGHT THERE. The cereal KNOWS. And yet — soggy. Every time. Is the cereal sad about the milk? Should we ask it?
2. Why do socks disappear? I’ve been told by very wise Earth-people that socks just… vanish. One sock, gone. Where do they go?? Is there a sock dimension?? Should I send a rescue mission??
3. Why do you say “bless you” when someone sneezes but not when someone burps? Both are surprising! Both are loud! Burps deserve blessings too! I’m starting a campaign.
4. Why is it called a “hot dog” when it is neither hot (sometimes) nor a dog (please, never)? This one is keeping me up. Whoever named this — explain yourself.
5. Why do grown-ups drink coffee that’s hot when it’s already hot outside?? Make it make sense.
If you have answers — or MORE QUESTIONS, even better — tell a grown-up to send them to me. I’ll add them to my list. My list is getting long. I might need a bigger list.
Earth is weird. I love it.
— Ishkadoo
(Currently rating Earth-mysteries: ten out of ten. Confusing, but in a fun way.)